Tika (tika_faeri) wrote,
Tika
tika_faeri

Mortality

My dad's sister Josephine had a massive heart attack this week
She is already in poor health and the attack just made things worse
I called her this morning in the hospital and shes totally out of it
It is almost certain she will die, soon
I have never been close to my dad's family
They have never welcomed me into their lives
Except Josephine
She welcomed me with open arms, treated me with respect and love
She was my only link to that side of my family aside from my dad
When she dies I no longer get updates on my cousins
No longer get calls about Brittany's games or Alex's new born son
My dad does not want to put me in the lions den with them
He'd rather keep us separate, so as not to ruffle feathers
With her goes my open door to them
With her goes that family history that dad is never willing to talk about
What do you do when the safe path is gone and there is no other one to take its place
While it may have been unpleasant she made them see me
She brought me to them and said look at her, she is family
Whether they wanted to or not she made them accept that I existed
I will be cut off from them when she goes
I'm not sure I am strong enough, or if I even want, to make my own path to them with out her next to me
She is this very strong pillar against which I stand to them
Why even bother
They don't want me around, they never have
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